C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
