We named our party play list daddy issues
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
