And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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