Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
