I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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