dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
