You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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