I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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