My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
