he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
