Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
she told me i tasted like america
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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