Me. At least after what I've been through.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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