We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
