she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
