I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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