best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
