i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
