Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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