She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
