Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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