The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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