Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
