I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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