made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
