You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
