my sisters under your porch take her home
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
