Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
she pinky promised me she was 18
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
