I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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