Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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