The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize