is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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