The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
