Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
he had hair everywhere except his balls
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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