nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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