I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Found the puke drawer
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Randomize
