We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
