Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
