Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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