the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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