he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize