Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Randomize
