She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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