conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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