somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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