ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Randomize
