Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
