i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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