What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
