so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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