Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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