I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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