I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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