i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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