yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
