the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
