Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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