So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
