Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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