Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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