I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
