guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize