There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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