She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
