Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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