I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
