Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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