I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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