sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
