Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
i out mim tonsoeep
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