Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I checked into jail on foursquare
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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