my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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