I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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