I wannas sexs uuuuu
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm sobbing to NWA
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
