and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
