my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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