Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
