this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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