I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
