Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
