I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize