I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
