I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
She's not a foreskin expert like you
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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